Akatsuki Goes To The MAll!
by Kuri-Sama7
Summary: the tittle says it all. have you ever wondered what would happen if they did go to the mall well read and you'll find out
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: We do NOT own Naruto or Akatsuki (as much as we wish we did) in any way. Or Toy's 'R' Us or anything else mentioned in here. Except the story, un.**

**Itachi: Deidara, I think that's enough. Let them read the story.**

**Deidara: Oh right. Sorry, un!**

**Kuri-sama: …here is the story **

**A/N: I will not update to frequnttly because I have school **

**And curse my pathetic teacher that shower a lot of homework, I'll qwrite the story during SSR lol**

**And here is puky(friend) who typed this for me **

**Puky: Don't worry. I'll help her out as much as I can so she can update quicker. Though her spelling might suck cause she doesn't bother with spell check. Now, Deidara get back here!sdfkergijre. okay, bye! Enjoy!**

Akatsuki Goes to the Mall

Kisame walked up to Itachi and poked him for no reason. "What is it Kisame?" and annoyed Itachi asked.

"Can we go to the mall?"

"No, we can't."

"Why not?"

"Because last time we went it was a disaster."

"No it wasn't." _'Much,'_ Kisame thought. Itachi sighed.

"Kisame, Deidara is not allowed in Tokyo anymore, Hidan was given 200 years in prison for sacrificing 200 people, Kakuzu had 25 million dollars when we were out, we took five hours getting Pein out of the piercing parlor," Itachi caught his breath, "Sasori creeped out all the little girls in Toys 'R' Us by playing with dolls, Tobi… Tobi didn't do anything bad, Zetsu ate half he food court and not just food, and Orochimaru stayed in Victoria's Secret and didn't come out. I don't even know where he is now."

"It wasn't that bad."

"Fine. If you really want to go, ask Pein. Not me."

Kisame walked out of the living room, leaving Itachi to paint his nails. He knocked on the door labeled 'Pein'. "What do you want?" Pein was busy with his annual earring polishing.

"Pein, can we go to the mall?" Kisame asked him.

"No." Kisame smirked.

"There's a piercing parlor over there." Pein immediately came out of his room.

"AKATSUKI MEETING!" he yelled. Everyone groaned and came out of their respective rooms. Once everyone settled down in their spot, Pein began to talk. "We're going to the mall." He got up from his chair and walked away.

"You just had to go and ask, didn't you, Kisame?" Itachi stood and followed Pein out. The rest of them smirked.

_IN THE RED CAR_

Itachi was driving with Kisame in the front seat, Deidara, Sasori, and Tobi in the back.

Silence

Kisame turned on the radio and right after, Itachi turned it off. He made a move to turn it on again. "Kisame, if you even touch that button I will rip your hand off." Immediately, Kisame dropped his hand.

In the back, Sasori was stuck in the middle while Deidara and Tobi fought. Tobi was pulling some kind of clay spider from Deidara and Kisame again tried to turn on the radio while Sasori was whining to Itachi about his driving.

break

-Beep-

CRASH!

"That is it! Either you all shut the hell up or get off here!" Yes. Itachi stopped the car in the middle of the freeway. Many people had a car accident that day.

More Silence

_IN THE BLACK CAR_

Pein was driving, Konan was in the front passenger seat, Kakuzu, Hidan, and Zetsu were in the back.

"Pein, you're not going to get more piercing. Got that?" said Konan.

"But, that's the whole reason we're going!" he exclaimed.

"No, bad Pein." She squirted him with water. Pein didn't care; he just kept driving in back of Itachi. "Pein, your driving is horrible. Why can't you drive like Itachi? And look, you're out of the lane blah blah blah blah blah…."

In the back they sweat dropped. Kakuzu thought, _'I should have go in Itachi's car.' 'I should have sacrificed Konan a long time ago,'_ Hidan said to himself. Zetsu's thoughts were _'Hidan should have sacrificed her.'_

_AT THE MALL!_

"Wow, it's so pretty," Konan said after she entered the mall. She was the first one in. "Isn't it?" She turned to see that no one was there. "Guys… YOU DITCHED ME!"

_THE GUYS_

"Pein, why the hell did you accept her in Akatsuki?" Itachi questioned him.

"Because my mom told me to."

"Fucking mamma's boy," Hidan said, causing Pein to glare at him. Pein, Itachi, and Hidan went one way while Deidara, Sasori, and Kisame went the opposite way. Tobi, Kakuzu, and Zetsu went to the arcade.

"I almost feel sorry for Konan," Kisame said as they walked through out the mall.

"There's a reason why I preferred to be in the middle between Tobi and Deidara than go in Pein's car," said Sasori.

"I got in the same car as Tobi. That should say something, un." Kisame sweat dropped.

"I'm going to Toys 'R' Us," Sasori mentioned with a smirk.

"Sorry Sasori, but security has your name and posters here," Kisame answered.

"So? Deidara's wanted posters are everywhere." Sasori picked one up from the floor.

"That was and accident okay, un!" Deidara yelled.

"Hey look! It's her!" All three security guards looked around and saw Deidara.

"I'm a boy you bastard!" he screamed angrily.

"Deidara, I suggest you run." Sasori pushed him. Deidara fell but quickly got up and ran.

"Okay. I'm not going to Toys 'R' Us anymore." Sasori looked across the mall as Deidara ran around, screaming and being chased by dozens of security guards.

"What did Deidara do last time? No one ever told me," Kisame asked. Sasori put a hand on Kisame's shoulder.

"You don't want to know." He walked away, leaving a confused Kisame behind.


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN NARUTO OR THE AKATSUKI (AS MUCH AS I WISH) OR VICTORIA'S SECRET OR PAIN BY THREE DAYS GRACE.**

**AKATSUKI GOES TO THE MALL**

**CHAPTER 2**

"I'm going to the piercing parlor," stated Pein.

"See ya." Itachi kept walking straight, looking around for something that might interest him.

"Itachi, where do you want to go? I'm already bored!" said Hidan in a whiney voice.

"Hmm… let's go look for Deidara, there's too many posters." Itachi stopped. "Bye the way Hidan, there's a cop outside the mall." He pointed through the glass door.

**OUTSIDE**

"Yes, office- hey, that's him!" She pointed at Hidan through the door.

**INSIDE**

"Aren't you going to run?" Itachi raised a brow and turned to Hidan just to notice that he was already on the other side of the mall. He sweat dropped and sighed. "I should have just stayed in Konoha." He walked ahead.

**KISAME AND SASORI**

Sasori and Kisame were walking and looking around when suddenly… "OH HIDAN'S GOD!" Kisame screamed.

"What is it Kisame?" Sasori looked up at him. Kisame pointed in front of him.

"Orochimaru." Sasori's eyes went big in shock. Yes, the store that had once been called Victoria's secret was now called "Orochimaru's Secret". In the window, mannequins of Orochimaru wearing Orochimaru's "secret things" stood.

"I think I went blind! Worse than Itachi!" declared Sasori.

"I think one of them winked at me. " Poor Kisame twitched violently.

**WITH ITACHI**

"Hmm… I wonder where everyone is." Itachi walked through the mall, holding about 12 shopping bags. He entered the arcade where Tobi and Kakuzu were. "Tobi." Itachi called him but Tobi was to into his game. "Tobi." Again, Tobi didn't turn.

**SPOILER WARNING!! IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ, SKIP TO WHERE IT SAYS END OF SPOILER, PAST THE ITALICS!!**

_"GOD DAMMIT MADARA TURN!" Tobi jumped and put a hand to where his mouth was supposed to be._

_"How do you know I'm Madara?" Tobi asked._

_"You were my teacher you dumbass."_

**END OF SPOILER**

"Oh…right." He stopped for a second. "So does what Itachi want from Tobi?"

"Where's Zetsu?"

"Zetsu went to go get food." Itachi looked annoyed since he knew what food meant to Zetsu.

"When did he leave?"

"Tobi thinks about…one hour ago." Itachi left and on the way he saw Kakuzu steal some tokens from a little kid who was to busy to notice and was rubbing them against his cheek, muttering something that sounded like, "Tokens, sweet, sweet tokens! And they're all mine! Hahahaha!". Itachi tried to put it out of his mind.

**WITH DEIDARA**

Deidara was to busy running away from security to notice where he was going and accidently went into Orochimaru's Secret. He hid behind a mannequin. Deidara looked up and saw it was actually a mannequin that had been created to look like Itachi and was dressed in ladies underwear. He laughed his butt off and pulled out his cell phone to take a picture. "Itachi san's going to kill Orochimaru when he see's this, un!" When the flash went off, Deidara turned to look at Hidan.

SILENCE

"Do I want to ask?" Hidan questioned the blonde, who was now waving his hands in front of him. The mouths on his hand looked as if they were laughing, probably at the Itachi mannequin.

"It's not what you think!" Deidara said.

"There she is!" Dozens of security guards where about to enter Orochimaru's Secret but stopped when they realized what store it was. "Well…she has to come out sometime," said one of the security guards whose eye was starting to twitch after a short glance at the name of the store.

"FOR THE LAST TIME I AM A GUY, UN!!"

"Deidara…"

"Yes, Hidan?"

"What fucking store are we in?"

"I don't know, but I'm too scared to find out, un!" said Deidara, who was trying to keep himself from looking around the store. There wasn't anyone in the entire store to ask either. A tumbleweed passed by.

"Hey isn't that that fucking son of a bitch Itachi?" Hidan pointed at Itachi through the mob of security guards.

"I think it is, un."

**ITACHI**

Itachi looked and notice that the store that had once been Victoria's Secret had turned to Orochimaru's Secret. The other thing that he noticed was the dozens of security guards and cops. "Somehow, I just know that Deidara and Hidan are in there." He kept walking, not bothering to help.

**EARLIER….**

"Stupid guys. They ditched me." Konan was looking for some few interesting stores but found Orochimaru himself. "Hey Orochimaru!" She waved at him. Orochimaru turned.

"Konan… Damn it, why'd I turn?"

"I haven't seen you in a long time!" She was about to hug him but he stepped back.

"Yeah… nice to see you again…" he said in an unwilling voice. _How the hell do I get out of this?!' _"Hey look at the time!" Konan simply stared and blinked like an idiot. "Look it's umm… PEIN GETTING PIERCINGS!!" He pointed behind her.

"Where?!" she turned. Orochimaru ran in the meantime. "I don't see hi- Orochimaru?" She shrugged. "He probably had things to do."

**Kuri sama: REVIEW PEOPLE, REVIEW! I GOT 70 HITS AND ONLY 4 REVIEWED!! THAT'S SAD!!**

**HIDAN: REVIEW GOD DAMMIT OR I WILL FUCKING SACRIFICE ALL OF YOU TO JASHIN SAMA!!**

**DEIDARA: Stop scaring them, un.**

**ITACHI: …Pathetic…. (from far away because he has felt Kuri sama's wrath before and doesn't want to go through it again.)**

**Puky: Yes, well, just please do as they say. It was really sad. Hours of hard work, my back was in pain-**

**Pein: PAIN, WITHOUT LOVE! PAIN, I CAN'T GET-**

**ALL: SHUT THE HELL UP, FOR THE LAST TIME!!**

**Puky: sorry about that. Anyways, from typing this on a very hot day in a very hot room. Now Deidara, get back here, I'm not finished painting your fingernails...**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: We own nothing.**

**Chapter 3**

"So Sasori what did you buy?" Kisame had about two bags at his side.

"Two so called "Barbie dolls" that would be a waste on a little brat when it could be used as a weapon of mass destruction," he said with an evil look on him.

"I see," said Kisame. "I wonder where Itachi-san is."

"I wonder where Deidara and Tobi are. "

"We should go home."

"Why?"

"It's already 9 pm and everyone left."

"That's because the mall is now in lockdown so Deidara won't get out."

"Oh yeah….can you tell me what Deidara did now?"

Sasori sighed. "Go find Itachi so he can tell you."

"Why Itachi?"

"Because I can't tell you the story with a straight face like Itachi can," said Sasori and with that, they went on a search for Itachi.

**Itachi in the food court**

"I want a doughnut with coffee, no sugar, a cake with the Uchiha symbol and fruit," ordered Itachi.

"Uh…sir, this is McDonalds. We don't sell half of what you just said," said the teenager who was attending him. Itachi activated Sharingan. "I mean, I'll be back with your food. Ha ha ha…" He turned and ran out from behind the cash register.

"Hurry! I'm hungry!" Itachi yelled behind him.

"Yes sir!!" the teenager shouted back.

Itachi went up to any random table which happened to be one with an old lady in it. "Move," he commanded. The old lady looked at him with big eyes. "That's not going to work old hag." He paused. "Now move."

The old lady got her cane and smacked Itachi more than five times saying, "Didn't your mother teach you manners?" She left with her nose high in the air.

Itachi twitched as a bump grew on his head. He took a seat and noticed everyone was staring. "What the hell are you people looking at?!" They all turned as if nothing had happened.

"Hey Itachi," greeted Zetsu as he sat in the seat in front of Itachi.

"You've got a toe stuck on your lip," he pointed out to Zetsu.

(Slurp!) "Sorry."

"Exactly how many things did you eat today?"

"…..9…."

Itachi stared at him. "Including people."

"….52."

"If you get E.Coli again, I'm not picking up anything."

"…." Zetsu recoiled at the thought of getting sick for the second time.

"Itachi, Kisame wants to know what Deidara did." Sasori and Kisame came walking to Itachi's table.

"No. I'm not telling that story again."

"Oh! Let Tobi tell the story!" Yes. Tobi appeared out of no where which scared the crap out of everyone. They sat around the table and waited for Tobi to begin.

"It all started-"

"Hey guys! I finally found you!"

"It's Konan! RUN!" Itachi and Kisame ran one way while Zetsu and Sasori ran the other way. Tobi was captured by Konan.

"Damn you all! Tobi will get revenge!!" screamed Tobi at the top of his lungs to make sure they heard him.

"That was close," said Kisame. "Itachi, why does it look like you're about to kill?"

"Because I never got my food..." Itachi glared.

"…"

**HIdan and Deidara**

"How long do we have to stay here, un?" Deidara and Hidan where in a small changing room in Orochimaru's secret.

"Till the fucking cops and guards leave," Hidan responded.

"Hey, what if we squeeze through the air vent?"

"My stupid scythe won't fit."

"Well then why don't you think of a plan genius, un?

"I already have but…"

"But what, un?"

"Deidara, have you ever worn women's clothes?" Deidara found it strange that he wasn't cursing like he always does.

"No…what are you getting at?"

"We could dress as girls and walk out."

"I'll stay here while you go and get help, un."

"No fucking way! You look more like a goddamn girl so you go!"

"No, you, un!"

"You!"

"You!"

"Better idea, we both go," Hidan said.

"Deal, un."

"Okay, you go look for the damn dresses and I'll go look for the shoes. Meet back here."

**REVIEW DAMN IT !!**

**Do u ppls have any idea how long it took puky to type this??**

**Very LONG INCASE UR WONDERING!**


	4. Chapter 4

**I hate doing this..**

**Disclaimer: I don't know Naruto or anything in the story…**

**Well I recently posted the last chapter but I thought the funniest part of Hidan and Deidara's adventure was about to begin, therefore I am writing this down **

**By the way puky is not here as u notice...its all me this time lol **

**Let the chapter begin!**

**2 hours later **

"um…Hidan?" (Deidara)

"what?" (Hidan)

" I only found pink and yellow dresses" Deidara mentioned holding up the pink dress to Hidan

"twitch you couldn't find a back one or gray?" Hidan cursed the thought of ever sending Deidara to do any thing

"Well the guy with glasses that was attending me really recommended theses colors (yes it was Kabuto)"

Hidan stared at him for a moment, then shook this thought away

"Whatever just gives me the yellow one"

"NO WAY" Hidan froze for a second

"why…?" he stared at Deidara waiting for an answer.

"because it matches my hair" Deidara said this proudly bring the dress up to his body and look at him self in the mirror.

Hidan had no choice. He had to do this to save Deidara

**Slap **"DEIDARA COME BACK TO YOUR SENSES!!"

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR?" he slapped Hidan back

**slap** Hidan again

**slap** Deidara

"stop it !" Hidan grabbed Deidara approaching hand

"you started it" Deidara whined

"we need to get the Fuck out of here before we turn gay. Now hand over the fucken yellow the dress"

"make me" Deidara tuck out his tongue

"FINE JUST HAND OVER THE FUCKEN PINK DRESS!" (Hidan)

deidara handed him the pink dress, turning around with their backs facing each other they got dressed and put on some high heels

"hmmm….hey Deidara does pink make my butt look fat?" Hidan stuck up his butt and looked at him self in the mirror

"why would I want to look down there..?" He was putting on some eyeliner he found in the corner.

"because I don't wanna go out there looking fat:

"its not my problem you are a fatass"

"AHHHHHHH!! Damn it we are doing that again"

"doing what?" the blonde male asked

the sith owner smacked himself "acting like a fucking pair of gay man!!"

"no we're not!" the blond yelled "I am 100 macho"

"Deidara you are putting on blush…."

"HOLY SHIT. YOUR RIGHT! WE NEED TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!" he dropped all the make up in his hands

"okay on three we run the fuck out of here like there is no fucken tomorrow, got it?" Hidans hand reached for the door

"1…" HIdan

"2…" Deidara

"3!!" Hidan

The slivered hair man ran out like death was behind him , meanwhile Deidara shut the door to the changing room HIdan just ran out of in a pink dress. A hand with a mouth wiped the blonds forehead.

"Hehehehe, Hidan is so slow. I can't believe he fell for me acting like a girl. Now to get through that air vent." Nope Deidara was not going to humiliate himself by going out in public wearing a dress.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" a screaming Hidan came out of Orochimaru's secret. No police or guard recognized him

"we did it Deidara we are out!" he jumped up and down. Which looked odd seeing as he was wearing a dress and high heels . He looked around expecting to see Deidara behind him .

"Deidara..?" Hidan only saw his sith (that grim reaper thing he carries) "you Mother fucken basterd!!"

Itachi, kisame. And sasori, after running away from konan, were gather their member so they can finally get out off the hell they call the mall. Itachi came to a stop causing kisame and Sasori to bump into him

**Glare** "don't bump into me"

"sor-….Itachi-san….is that….Hidan?"

**sigh** "I hope not" _I should have stayed in konoha_

"It is Hidan isn't it?" _ another embarrassment for akatsuki…_

"Right now I am so glad I didn't get him as a partner" (Zetsu) Zetsu and kakuzu came out of a near by store

"sadly I am…" every one stared at Kakuzu as in telling him 'I almost feel sorry for you'

**with pain**

"So , if I by 1 I get the other free?" pain (by now) was annoying the hell out of the sales person

"for the last time its BUY ONE GET THE OTHER ½ OFF" the sales person whose name tag read 'bob'

"Sir I give u all the earrings in this case will u LEAVE?" bob slammed his hands on a glass case

"NO WAY, there are like ten I don't like in this case" he pointed at the ones he disliked

**sigh** _this guys been here for 5 hours…and he is scaring away all my customers _

"okay I have made up my mind" Pein stoop up strait

"yes…..?" bob eagerly asked

"I'll get…."

YES…??" even happier now that Pein might leave soon bob asked

"the ones on 50 off"

"Itachi, can u tell us again why we have to hang on to this rope" Kakuzu raised his arm showing a very thick rope tied around hi wrist.

"so u wont get lost" his violent voice relied

"and it was really necessary to ties us to this as well?" the plant man asked

"if I didn't tie you people to it then you would all run away. Then I would have to gather you all…again." The assassin turned his head in different directions

"…" every one just stared at Itachi wondering why his head was moving in all directions

"do any of you idiots know where the stupid blond is?" in a complete coincidence Deidara fell from a near by vent landing on the red head male.

"damn it Deidara get off me" an angry Sasori pushed the blonde away.

"sorry un" Deidara apologized

glare

sweat drop

a violent Itachi

"why did Itachi-san tie me to a rope un?" the blonde tried to chew through the thick rope but failed "HEY, why isn't sasori and Kisame tied too?!"

"because unlike you morons they wont run away" the red eyes glared at no one in particular.

**Well that it for now I just want thank the people who actually review.**

**REVIEW RIVIEW!! please…..**


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